I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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