I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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