Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
