I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
