"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
