I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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