totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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