What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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