You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
