Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
