so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
