So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bring me that man meat
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