i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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