if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
