This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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