i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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