I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
