First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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