I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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