If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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