Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found puke in my bra..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
