I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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