Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
