His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
