Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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