i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
