I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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