I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
