I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
