You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
