Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
