you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
