Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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