I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
