dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
