he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
