the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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