I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
