So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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