i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
