i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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