Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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