I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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