none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
