She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
