walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
