Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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