he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
