my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
