I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
