Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
