CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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