I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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