Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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