I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
